dude i'm inner monologue high
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
