why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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