Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
