If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
