What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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