Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
