are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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