after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize