stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
