she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize