i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
