I feel great
I just peed on a car
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
