yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
