Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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