You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
