If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
