How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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