How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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