my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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