The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize