mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize