Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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