fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Everything about him screamed your future.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
