Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
