awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
