I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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