guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
