The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
