How'd it feel making her break her religion?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
