my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
