Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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