i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i've created a new STD.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
