hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
