D3 body, D1 cock
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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