Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
