cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
