like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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