You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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