Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize