it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize