Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
