just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
