nut hugger
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
