Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
