Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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