dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize