Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
