names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
