So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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