Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
