I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
