remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize