I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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