Taylor Swift is so right about you.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
