There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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