Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Sorry about my life...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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