Im at strip club and am horny
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
