I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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