I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
