dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
