The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
