fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
