She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize