every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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