found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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