i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
