Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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