I cannot find my penis.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
