I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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