Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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