first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
