If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Where are you guys?
Drunk
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
