can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize