What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
