u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
