Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
They have beer where we have blood.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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