They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
