Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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