It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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