It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize