New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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