She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think your dad took our porno
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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